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Saturday, December 19, 2020

Can these dry bones live?

By On 6:13 PM

There are a lot of things that I have buried down deep in the pits of my heart when it comes to ministry because I have been scared to step forward because I have fell into a deep sin of the flesh, and it has been very hard for me to back away from until a few weeks ago when I made a stand to say that I was not going to dishonor my body by giving it away.

Earier this year I got caught up in this serious relationship with this amazing guy that I fell in love with, and I am still married. I know what a great sin. right? I tired to fix things after I slept with him for life the millionth time, but what I thought was easy to walk away from has becme one of the biggest stronghold in my life, and the only thing that I know to do is to self discipline my flesh in the form of fasting, and praying, and really being real daily byy the minute with God.

I have been crying, and going through some serius changes because my desire to be with this guy is so strong, but my will to serve God has become even stronger. I talked to God last night, today, and I am even going to talk to Hm tonight if I am having thoughts about this guy. There's nothing more dangerous than living a lie, and not being honest with God about how you're feeling especially when you want to fully be obedient to God's will.

Here are some serious suggles that I have been facing lately! 

  • Frustration from not being able to be in his arms 
  • Anger because I desire to be with him so badly
  • Sexual withdraws because I am so use to being with him intimaely 
  • Going through the changes in my mind on what if I never see him again

Now Here are the things that I must accept in my life! 

  • What God has for me I want for my life
  • What doors God closes I must accept the outcome
  • What God removes from my life is for my protection 
  • What God does not give me an answer to is still a sign of grace, and protection over my life

Self discipline is really a learning curve that I am experiencing minute by minute, and sometimes it is literally hard to overcome because this flesh wants to keep rising up. I have to remain consistent in God's word, and in my relationship with God in order for my to kill these lustful desires that are not pure, and that are a hinderance to my spiritual growth in God.  

Tonight's reading is coming from:

Ezekiel 37: 1- 14

Pleas read the entire bible verses, and make sure that you journal your thoughts on key passges of these scripture. 

There is a bible plan on the You Version entitled Finding Your Way Back To God i am about to read day one of this plan, and I invite you to join me. 

Tuesday, November 24, 2020

The Indwelling Spirit

By On 8:24 AM


As I got up this morning I really had to have an honest self talk with myself. I realized that I have become stale in my fasting life. where the fire once laid now is a twinkle of a light that is still calling forth in my spirit. 

This happens over a period of time where one can think they have lived in the natural and figured out their life and as well as in the spirit. Well, I told myself yesterday that I needed to go back into that place where I know I can reach God's heart. 

Here's what happened...

I allowed my circumstances at this point in my life to dictate my praise. I felt the strain of being single, and the loneliness that comes with it. I know that this might not be your story but it's my story. I am so sick of allowing what's going on around me to weigh me down. 

1. I had to look myself dead in the face of it all and really put some motion into the action that I want to see in my life. 

2. I decided to unplug from my norm, and really get in the face of God through His word. 

3. I notice that I have been eating very heavily in this pandemic so this is causing my emotions to be all over the place. 

4. I can't and will not place the blame on anyone but myself for being in this pitfall as to why my prayer life isn't as strong as it should be. 

Changing the tides. 

As I begin to speak to God while reading my bible he led me to the scripture below... 

“But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.”

‭‭John‬ ‭4:14‬ ‭KJV

Reading this passage of scripture really brought tears to my eyes because it was exactly everything that I needed at this time in my life. I am now able to reattach the word of God to my life, and boldly apply it daily. 

I want to encourage anyone that is in ministry, and or that is starting your relationship with God to never be ashamed if you find yourself in a time in your life where you have fallen off of the prayer will. It does not make you less of a believer or less loved by God.

I would like to encourage your heart not to faint, and to allow yourself to get back up, and pursue the heart of God with a humble intent, and I promise you that He will meet you exactly where you are. 

Today I am focusing on allowing God to lead me boldly to the living water, and I am committed to drinking from His well, and I am going to sit in His presence and reconnect with my savior. 

My food in-take will be only liquids, smoothies, and veggies

I am going for the greater in the Kingdom, and i want to encourage your heart to do the same. 



Monday, June 22, 2020

The power of exchange

By On 6:34 AM

This morning I woke up empowered by the Holy Ghost, an it been a long little minute since I felt this way.i was dealing with a lot of things as you may hasve read in the previous post before this one. I was in a of unforgiveness, and I did not want to remain in this place so I went before God, and I simply ssked Him to help me in this area of my life. 

My desire to be nin a position to freely exchange this heart issue unto God gave Him the authority to step, and do a washing in my heart, and remove that stain of unforgiveness that was lingering in my heart. When I woke up I felt a shift, and as I begin to move about I felt this call from God to get ready to enter into my prayer time. I spent some beautiful time in the presence of God, and I worshipped from a place of longing. 

My best to God is always when I am ready, and williing to make the exchange in my time with Him, and in how I live my lie before Him. How many of you know that God is a God of order? 

What I am learning with each new day living purposely for the Lord is that there is always soething to offer up to the Father in exchange for something far better than I could ever imagine. Have you ever seen the picture folating around with the young girl crying because she love her bear so much, and Jesus is calling for her to give Him the bear because behind Him he is holding an even bigger bear? 

Sometimes it used to be so hard for me to see the bigger picture that God was creating for my life, and I would get so beside myself in having to just have faith, and to see it through. I know, I know I should have never ever had that frame of thinking but I lived, and I learned to trust God with the exchange that I was making with Him. 

I want to encourage everyone that is, and or will read this to make an exchange with God today, and to trust His plans for your life because He truly knows what is best for you. 

I want you to meditate on this scriture throughout your day! 

Then Jacob said unto his household, and to all that [were] with him, Put away the strange gods that [are] among you, and be clean, and change your garments: 
Genesis 35:2

Sunday, June 21, 2020

Cleansing out the residue Day 1: The frustration of my cousin's murder

By On 8:09 AM

Last night I got word that one of my eldest counsins was murdered with a gun shot to his head, and I felt nothing when I heard of the news. My mind went back to 1996 i was 14 years old at the time, and this is when my cousin attempted to rape me, and I still feel a way about that. So I took what I felt before God, and I asked Him to help me with this. 

I do not want to be trapped in the cycle of frustration, and not have empathy for my family in this time of grieving. His life mattered to a lot of people, and it once mattered to me before 1996 in Oakland CA. I needed closure from this, and I never had the courage to seek it, and to tell him that I forgive him. 

Today I am choosing to tap into my inner child, and begin to heal from what occured on that night. Some of the worse moments of that night still bother me. He literally tried to forcefully remove my pants, and when I fought back he ended up punching me in the face. Morning came, and I got the nerve to tell my eldest brother, and because this was his favorite cousin he did not believe me. I told my mother, and nothing wseven mentioned but she kept him away from the house. 

last night i wrestled with the conflicted of emotions of wanting to reach out to my aunt to offer her my deepest condolences but then I had to stop myself because it was not going to come from a genuine place from my heart. 

What I am doing to is fasting it out, and turning every bit of negative feeling that I have towards my cousin over to God because I refuse to hold this in my heart any longer. I want to lve a life of peave, and I want to forgive my cousin. I can not walk through my life holding my heart hostage being afraid to see the bigger picture in letting it go. 

If you are experiencing a similar situation, and need a breakthrough in freeing your heart of pain I will be standing in prayer with you. I know that God can so anything but fail, and that as long as you take one step God will take another step with you. 

Here is a scripture that will prepare your heart to find forgiveness in your day. 

14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 6:14-15

Saturday, June 20, 2020

Turning it around and making an amends

By On 9:36 AM

I’ve been stuck in a place where I felt drained from everything that has been taking place in my personal life that I was not giving my spiritual life the attention that it so desperately had been longing for. Even in my prayer time I would rush in, and out from the presence of God because I was so overwhelmed in my own feelings. I really did not know how to shake it off, and I know the moment God called for me to come before Him it was a serious thing that I was going through that only He was able to take away. 

There were days that I could not build up enough energy to stay balance in my work schedule, and or my ministry commitments. I was all over the place, and it was beginning to show badly. I knew that whatever this things was it had to go because I  started not to recognize myself in the mirror or even throughout my day to day. I wanted to know what was going on with me so on day to of this roller coaster of last weekend I made the choice to stand up to what I was feeling, and journal my feelings, and even the time that I felt like an emotional wreck. 

And things got real while I was talking to God, and thinking that He was going to just step in, and change the way that I was feeling on the inside of my spirit oh boy was I wrong for sure because all God was doing was giving me motivation through scripture to remain strong in going to this transition that I didn’t know at that time was taking place. When I sat down unto myself last Friday,Saturday,and Sunday, and even early Monday I had to evaluate what happened before this feeling of emotions came for me, and crushed me in spirit. 

As I sat I thought about my day Friday morning, and how I was in a good mood, and I remember having a conversation with my mother, and my ex was mentioned, and something triggered in me that made me good from a good mood to a mood of sadness, and rejection, and anguish. I know now that going through this process was so needed for me because I had a lot of unresolved issues from this departure from the guy that I was in a serious relationship with,

The last time I seen him was back in February of this year, and after that we talked for a few weeks on the phone trying to link back up, and it was not happening. I was so drained from the head games, and from the lies, and disappointments that I experienced from him while being with him. I was so tired of placing myself in harms way use to be with someone that was toxic, and very much so cray-cray. 

I had to make some bold decisions after what I experienced this past weekend. I had to get the encourage to block him again, and this time forever, and even if he tried to contract me, and the caller was unknown I still was not going to answer because he is the only one that calls me like that because I blocked him befor,

Here are some of the things that I did to move forward, and begin the healing process, 

  • I had to stay in touch with the feelings that were house inside of my heart, and I had to take down the tough girl role, and allow myself to cry it out. This really caused me to feel the pain from what hurt me in that relationship.

  • I had to delete the entire text thread between him, and I. That was hard for a lot of reasons. 

  • I had to remind myself that love does not hurt, and that I am worthy to be loved by the one that God has for me, but in God’s timing, and not me going ahead of God to try to find the one that I think is the one. 

  • And the biggest one of them all get rid of my favorite clothes of his that I slept in, and or jacked when I left because I still needed a protection blanket of him so to speak. Packing up those things gave me strength to know that there are better days ahead of me. 

I want to encourage anyone that is going through a hard time in getting over a breakup, and or trying to reconnect with an ex, and you know it is not in your best interests. Now is the time to set aside every weight, and get before God, and allow Him to heal you.

I am currently on a 40 day fast to heal, and to strengthen myself in God. I will be starting this fast with a group of women on June 21st, 2020, and I will be blogging for the entire 40 days. 

Monday, June 8, 2020

The Power Of Admitting You Need Re-Direction In Growing Daily In Your Spiritual Life

By On 6:30 AM

This week has  been really great for me when it came to me handle the business side of my life yet my spirit was not getting feed as much because I had so many things in front of me that I felt required my attention.

So I would make up for not sitting steel enough to read my word that I'd open up my bible app, and listen to it while I was working, and on some day that was okay but I hungered for more of God; so I'd go into my prayer closet, and before I knew it I would be fast asleep on the pillow because I was so tired from the work that I had done.

I begin to feel the guilt seeking in that I was not keeping my alter before God lite with the burning fire that I begin with this year, and I was reminded that things can, and would get better for me in this area once I slowed down enough to see the changes that needed to be made.

So here I am getting back into the flow of what matters the most.

Somethings that has change my perspective in this season,

  • Making time to work on the vision that God has even me is not as important than laying at the feet of Jesus for hours on end. When I am at His feet i feel empowered, Loved, Whole, and like my Truest self in Him.

  • I ever have to wonder if He is giving me all of Him, and I never have to be guarded when He walks into the room I know that His love for me is unconditional 24/7

  • God knows where I am lacking, and He does not judge me but corrects me in love, and sometimes in rebuke, and I am fine with that because He knows what's housed within me, and He knows that there is a great fight against it coming all together this is why it is so imperative that I stay before Him day in and day out. 

So this morning I am changing the way I am starting my day, and currently it is going very well without any major distraction before me. I feel like I need to get to this place of admission, and I needed God to clear the pathway before me to get to Him because it was me stopping me from giving Him more time of myself with Him. 

So I just want to encourage anyone that feel as though they need to hit that reset button on their their growing in the word of God, and feeding their faith now is the time to get before Him, and cry out, and love yourself back in the word of God. 

My new schedule to spend more time with God, and in His word is from 5:00 A.M which has been my forever prayer time with him, and after that from 7:00 .A.M - 10:00 A.M to dive into the word of God, and to do my morning affirmations, and daily scriptures, and prayer on my main blog because I have not been attentive to those committment of growing daily there in those daily writing assignments for my growth, and for many others that depend of it. 

Wednesday, April 1, 2020

A Wind Undivided

By On 4:51 PM

What the Bible Says About Wind?
According to Proverbs 11:29
He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind: and the fool [shall be] servant to the wise of heart.

what is your heart saying about you tonight? 
Are you facing a hard situation that you can not get right from your own strength? 

Sometimes fasting brings about a change if you are willing to be honest with God, but in order to be honest with God you must first be honest with yourself. There is nothing wrong is normally a state of disblief when one does not want to admit that something in their life is off track, and needs to be corrected. 

Have you ever felt like you were in a hoepless situation where you appeared to be trapped in your own mess? 

Read the sciptures below to gain some spiritual insight, and wisdom. 

The Parable of the Lost Sheep is one of the parables of Jesus. It appears in the Gospels of Matthew (Matthew 18:12–14) and Luke (Luke 15:3–7). It is about a shepherd who leaves his flock of ninety-nine sheep in order to find the one which is lost.

Tonight I want you to allow God to interupt everything that is unclean in your life, and inside of your heart. There is nothing wrong with seeking the truth. Do not allow shame to harden your heart, and do not allow this tough season to define what God has spoken over your life. 

These Covid19 melt downs have to stop, and you have to learn how to replty in the blood of Jesus that has already covered your door post. The only thing you have to do is trust in what He has already said. 

Remember these truth about God's word concerning you in this season! 
Because thou hast made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;
10 There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.
Psalms 91