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Monday, June 22, 2020

The power of exchange

By On 6:34 AM

This morning I woke up empowered by the Holy Ghost, an it been a long little minute since I felt this way.i was dealing with a lot of things as you may hasve read in the previous post before this one. I was in a of unforgiveness, and I did not want to remain in this place so I went before God, and I simply ssked Him to help me in this area of my life. 

My desire to be nin a position to freely exchange this heart issue unto God gave Him the authority to step, and do a washing in my heart, and remove that stain of unforgiveness that was lingering in my heart. When I woke up I felt a shift, and as I begin to move about I felt this call from God to get ready to enter into my prayer time. I spent some beautiful time in the presence of God, and I worshipped from a place of longing. 

My best to God is always when I am ready, and williing to make the exchange in my time with Him, and in how I live my lie before Him. How many of you know that God is a God of order? 

What I am learning with each new day living purposely for the Lord is that there is always soething to offer up to the Father in exchange for something far better than I could ever imagine. Have you ever seen the picture folating around with the young girl crying because she love her bear so much, and Jesus is calling for her to give Him the bear because behind Him he is holding an even bigger bear? 

Sometimes it used to be so hard for me to see the bigger picture that God was creating for my life, and I would get so beside myself in having to just have faith, and to see it through. I know, I know I should have never ever had that frame of thinking but I lived, and I learned to trust God with the exchange that I was making with Him. 

I want to encourage everyone that is, and or will read this to make an exchange with God today, and to trust His plans for your life because He truly knows what is best for you. 

I want you to meditate on this scriture throughout your day! 

Then Jacob said unto his household, and to all that [were] with him, Put away the strange gods that [are] among you, and be clean, and change your garments: 
Genesis 35:2

Sunday, June 21, 2020

Cleansing out the residue Day 1: The frustration of my cousin's murder

By On 8:09 AM

Last night I got word that one of my eldest counsins was murdered with a gun shot to his head, and I felt nothing when I heard of the news. My mind went back to 1996 i was 14 years old at the time, and this is when my cousin attempted to rape me, and I still feel a way about that. So I took what I felt before God, and I asked Him to help me with this. 

I do not want to be trapped in the cycle of frustration, and not have empathy for my family in this time of grieving. His life mattered to a lot of people, and it once mattered to me before 1996 in Oakland CA. I needed closure from this, and I never had the courage to seek it, and to tell him that I forgive him. 

Today I am choosing to tap into my inner child, and begin to heal from what occured on that night. Some of the worse moments of that night still bother me. He literally tried to forcefully remove my pants, and when I fought back he ended up punching me in the face. Morning came, and I got the nerve to tell my eldest brother, and because this was his favorite cousin he did not believe me. I told my mother, and nothing wseven mentioned but she kept him away from the house. 

last night i wrestled with the conflicted of emotions of wanting to reach out to my aunt to offer her my deepest condolences but then I had to stop myself because it was not going to come from a genuine place from my heart. 

What I am doing to is fasting it out, and turning every bit of negative feeling that I have towards my cousin over to God because I refuse to hold this in my heart any longer. I want to lve a life of peave, and I want to forgive my cousin. I can not walk through my life holding my heart hostage being afraid to see the bigger picture in letting it go. 

If you are experiencing a similar situation, and need a breakthrough in freeing your heart of pain I will be standing in prayer with you. I know that God can so anything but fail, and that as long as you take one step God will take another step with you. 

Here is a scripture that will prepare your heart to find forgiveness in your day. 

14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 6:14-15

Saturday, June 20, 2020

Turning it around and making an amends

By On 9:36 AM

I’ve been stuck in a place where I felt drained from everything that has been taking place in my personal life that I was not giving my spiritual life the attention that it so desperately had been longing for. Even in my prayer time I would rush in, and out from the presence of God because I was so overwhelmed in my own feelings. I really did not know how to shake it off, and I know the moment God called for me to come before Him it was a serious thing that I was going through that only He was able to take away. 

There were days that I could not build up enough energy to stay balance in my work schedule, and or my ministry commitments. I was all over the place, and it was beginning to show badly. I knew that whatever this things was it had to go because I  started not to recognize myself in the mirror or even throughout my day to day. I wanted to know what was going on with me so on day to of this roller coaster of last weekend I made the choice to stand up to what I was feeling, and journal my feelings, and even the time that I felt like an emotional wreck. 

And things got real while I was talking to God, and thinking that He was going to just step in, and change the way that I was feeling on the inside of my spirit oh boy was I wrong for sure because all God was doing was giving me motivation through scripture to remain strong in going to this transition that I didn’t know at that time was taking place. When I sat down unto myself last Friday,Saturday,and Sunday, and even early Monday I had to evaluate what happened before this feeling of emotions came for me, and crushed me in spirit. 

As I sat I thought about my day Friday morning, and how I was in a good mood, and I remember having a conversation with my mother, and my ex was mentioned, and something triggered in me that made me good from a good mood to a mood of sadness, and rejection, and anguish. I know now that going through this process was so needed for me because I had a lot of unresolved issues from this departure from the guy that I was in a serious relationship with,

The last time I seen him was back in February of this year, and after that we talked for a few weeks on the phone trying to link back up, and it was not happening. I was so drained from the head games, and from the lies, and disappointments that I experienced from him while being with him. I was so tired of placing myself in harms way use to be with someone that was toxic, and very much so cray-cray. 

I had to make some bold decisions after what I experienced this past weekend. I had to get the encourage to block him again, and this time forever, and even if he tried to contract me, and the caller was unknown I still was not going to answer because he is the only one that calls me like that because I blocked him befor,

Here are some of the things that I did to move forward, and begin the healing process, 

  • I had to stay in touch with the feelings that were house inside of my heart, and I had to take down the tough girl role, and allow myself to cry it out. This really caused me to feel the pain from what hurt me in that relationship.

  • I had to delete the entire text thread between him, and I. That was hard for a lot of reasons. 

  • I had to remind myself that love does not hurt, and that I am worthy to be loved by the one that God has for me, but in God’s timing, and not me going ahead of God to try to find the one that I think is the one. 

  • And the biggest one of them all get rid of my favorite clothes of his that I slept in, and or jacked when I left because I still needed a protection blanket of him so to speak. Packing up those things gave me strength to know that there are better days ahead of me. 

I want to encourage anyone that is going through a hard time in getting over a breakup, and or trying to reconnect with an ex, and you know it is not in your best interests. Now is the time to set aside every weight, and get before God, and allow Him to heal you.

I am currently on a 40 day fast to heal, and to strengthen myself in God. I will be starting this fast with a group of women on June 21st, 2020, and I will be blogging for the entire 40 days. 

Monday, June 8, 2020

The Power Of Admitting You Need Re-Direction In Growing Daily In Your Spiritual Life

By On 6:30 AM

This week has  been really great for me when it came to me handle the business side of my life yet my spirit was not getting feed as much because I had so many things in front of me that I felt required my attention.

So I would make up for not sitting steel enough to read my word that I'd open up my bible app, and listen to it while I was working, and on some day that was okay but I hungered for more of God; so I'd go into my prayer closet, and before I knew it I would be fast asleep on the pillow because I was so tired from the work that I had done.

I begin to feel the guilt seeking in that I was not keeping my alter before God lite with the burning fire that I begin with this year, and I was reminded that things can, and would get better for me in this area once I slowed down enough to see the changes that needed to be made.

So here I am getting back into the flow of what matters the most.

Somethings that has change my perspective in this season,

  • Making time to work on the vision that God has even me is not as important than laying at the feet of Jesus for hours on end. When I am at His feet i feel empowered, Loved, Whole, and like my Truest self in Him.

  • I ever have to wonder if He is giving me all of Him, and I never have to be guarded when He walks into the room I know that His love for me is unconditional 24/7

  • God knows where I am lacking, and He does not judge me but corrects me in love, and sometimes in rebuke, and I am fine with that because He knows what's housed within me, and He knows that there is a great fight against it coming all together this is why it is so imperative that I stay before Him day in and day out. 

So this morning I am changing the way I am starting my day, and currently it is going very well without any major distraction before me. I feel like I need to get to this place of admission, and I needed God to clear the pathway before me to get to Him because it was me stopping me from giving Him more time of myself with Him. 

So I just want to encourage anyone that feel as though they need to hit that reset button on their their growing in the word of God, and feeding their faith now is the time to get before Him, and cry out, and love yourself back in the word of God. 

My new schedule to spend more time with God, and in His word is from 5:00 A.M which has been my forever prayer time with him, and after that from 7:00 .A.M - 10:00 A.M to dive into the word of God, and to do my morning affirmations, and daily scriptures, and prayer on my main blog because I have not been attentive to those committment of growing daily there in those daily writing assignments for my growth, and for many others that depend of it. 

Wednesday, April 1, 2020

A Wind Undivided

By On 4:51 PM

What the Bible Says About Wind?
According to Proverbs 11:29
He that troubleth his own house shall inherit the wind: and the fool [shall be] servant to the wise of heart.

what is your heart saying about you tonight? 
Are you facing a hard situation that you can not get right from your own strength? 

Sometimes fasting brings about a change if you are willing to be honest with God, but in order to be honest with God you must first be honest with yourself. There is nothing wrong is normally a state of disblief when one does not want to admit that something in their life is off track, and needs to be corrected. 

Have you ever felt like you were in a hoepless situation where you appeared to be trapped in your own mess? 

Read the sciptures below to gain some spiritual insight, and wisdom. 

The Parable of the Lost Sheep is one of the parables of Jesus. It appears in the Gospels of Matthew (Matthew 18:12–14) and Luke (Luke 15:3–7). It is about a shepherd who leaves his flock of ninety-nine sheep in order to find the one which is lost.

Tonight I want you to allow God to interupt everything that is unclean in your life, and inside of your heart. There is nothing wrong with seeking the truth. Do not allow shame to harden your heart, and do not allow this tough season to define what God has spoken over your life. 

These Covid19 melt downs have to stop, and you have to learn how to replty in the blood of Jesus that has already covered your door post. The only thing you have to do is trust in what He has already said. 

Remember these truth about God's word concerning you in this season! 
Because thou hast made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;
10 There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.
Psalms 91

Friday, December 20, 2019

A prayer for help, and praise for its answer

By On 9:53 AM

Today begins a new day, and a day that I am fully n the process of getting through this phrase of code dependency of being emotionally dependent on someone to feel loved, and to feel like I can not make a move without checking in with this person. I gave this type of authority to a guy that I was previously seeing, and it became really devastating when i felt the pull back of my emotions becoming less addressed in the areas of what he thought, nd what he would say if i did not seek his opinion about this or that. 

Right now I am thinking of the ways that i could have developed a healthier way in my relationship with God in the areas that I gave to this man that I was seeing. what if I placed the same measure of value in my time with God instead of placing it into someone that would possibly let me down time, and time again.  One thing that I have come to know over the course of my life is God will, and has never bee n the author of confusion, and He will never leave me although there has been times where I slammed the door of intimacy in Gods face. 

I just solely am taking back my power of where I am placing my faith in, and of whom I am releasing my emotions to. God is a great source in my life, and I have to stop denying Him of the time He requires from my life to seek Him, and to ultimately choose what, and where, and of whom I will follow in my life . i am choosing to concentrate on how I spend my time with the lord, and furthermore how I am disciplining myself on a daily basis. This process is not by far an easy one, but it is something that i am learning, and that I am teaching myself to stick with above all things in my life because it is very important that I remain faithful to God in every area in my life especially with my body. 

Here are some factors that i am changing in my morning time with God

  1. Instead of reading my bible from the app on my phone i choose to physically grab my bible, and intentionally read, and take notes on paper to write out my thoughts on what I have read.
  2. I desire to get back into the place of intercession prayer so for the next 31 days i am choosing to read a book on prayer entitled 31 days of prayer by Ruth Myers, and Warren Myers.
  3. The time that I place in reflecting on my relationship with God in everything that i do matters to me, and with this even in how I feel about the guy that I am seeing or not seeing at this time i still intentionally talk to God about it instead of bottling my feelings up I release them to the Father. 
  4. Mt mistakes are seriously becoming lessons that are teaching me how to earnestly come to God before i make any other choices that could affect my life in the wrong or right way. 

I am exciting, and nervous at the same time of what God is birthing in my. This self discipline fast is just that discipline. I did not think I would be able to stick with the first day of this fast because of how things has been going in my life, but what I do know is that I choose to push pass how I feel, and I choose to delight in God, and to lean on Him in everything in my life. 

How has your journey been going and how how you been able to see God pulling you closer to Hm just by you getting out of the way, and allowing God to clear your path, and to renew you in Him? 

Let me know below in the comment section. 

Sunday, September 29, 2019

Backing Away From What Constantly Hurts Me

By On 9:24 PM

Last night something happended that really made me look at someone differently than what I held them in a space inside of my heart. I never thought that this would occur again, and that the stage was set for us to move forward in the longevity of our relationship, but to my surprise this was not the case .I was so dumb founded on how a what seemed to be a perfect day and almost perfect evening can turn upside down when we spend only a few hours apart.

I leanred a valuable lesson in what I experienced on last night.  

1. I should never place my trust in no one Psalms 118:8
2. I should always discern rather than go off of an emotion that I feel towards so someone.
3. I should constantly try the spirit by the spirit

I know that there is a lot of things that I need to heal from behind this disaster, and i know that I have to have the strength not of my own; but from God that will get me to the finish line in this healing process. There is nothing like going through a reoccurring breaking with the same person. It's like reliving a nightmare all over again because the last of the last time you thought it was the final ending.

My prayer tonight is that God will keep showing me what I am holding on to that is not good for me, I asked for this, and I pray this in Jesus name. Amen!